I was never nauseous when I was pregnant. Not one day. Not even before Truman, when that blighted ovum sat in my uterus fooling me by placing a plus-sign on my pee stick. But I thought about it. I thought once while opening the fridge that I might feel a little queasy. I was so excited I called my husband. But that feeling passed even before my husband picked up the other line. I was fine.
If I had a wave of anything remotely like nausea it would be when I thought about or walked into Italian restaurants. I kept this secret from my husband because one of our favorite places, Gianmarco, is Italian. Practically once a week while my bean-shaped son grew in my belly we dined at Gianmarco as I nibbled on pasta and quietly wondered if this would be the day I would finally find my pregnant self bottomed-up to the ceramic can in the ladies room. If I knew now what I didn’t know then, I would not have feared having to even leave the table, because one company has made morning sickness bags chic. They call them Morning Chicness Bags.
I swear to god this product is true! I am totally buying a pack so that when I have a friend who announces she is pregnant (because thanks to medical technology, it should not happen to me again) I can just gift her some of the colorful and lovingly decorated bags (with names like “Labor of Love” and “Bambooboo”). I suppose, if she manages not to use them they can double as gift bags for Easter treats. The bags, measuring 5 inches by 3 inches by 9.5 inches, are made of sturdy paper with leak-proof polyethylene lining and horizontal closure clip. A pack of 10 is only $7.50 plus shipping! (I wonder if they have an odor shield…) They’re also available at some retail locations, far, far from my state.
The bags are intended to replace airline vomit bags, plastic shopping bags, or whatever you women who suffered from morning sickness carried around to puke in. As I said, I wouldn’t know because I never threw up during pregnancy. And I’m glad for that, except it sure would be fun to walk around with those groovy puke purses! Who says I can’t do it anyway? Never know when I’ll catch a stomach bug from my glorious son!
Photos, Model heaving into Bambooboo, above, and Morning Chicness Bags design options, right, courtesy of www.morningchicknessbags.com
And when my most precious little boy is miserable sick, I have to love on him. I have to cradle his hot body in my arms and hold the tissue when he blows and press my cheek to his blazing forehead and rub his back when his small tummy turns concave and rejects everything in its grasp.
Check out what I found! It’s a gift set especially for school nurses! This gift set from Educational Innovations/Teacher Source is adorable, funny, and outrageously expensive, but it includes several giant Microbes including Louse, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Common Cold, Cough, Ear Ache, Flu and Mono. Or, as the Web site says, “the germs most common in schools.” Now, what better way to show your appreciation to the school nurse than giving her germs? Awesome!
He really needed a haircut, but it was nothing that a little product couldn’t tame. I laid out his most adorable outfit and even decided to put him in improper shoes but pack his light-up sneakers in his backpack for gym. (There would be no recess again, as the rain is never ending.)
Sure, I had read loose teeth usually happen around age 6. But Truman doesn’t turn 6 for another three months. I thought we had more time. And I’ve grown rather attached to those tiny pearls, those slivers of white that hid inside his gums at birth and didn’t break through until he was four months old. They caused him to drool and fuss and drool and fuss. Despite that, I welcomed those little teeth. And now they are beginning their great departure.
For entertainment Saturday my son burned some of his energy by dancing in a heavy downpour of rain. I watched from my in-law’s garage and laughed as he tumbled in the wet grass and spun around in the driveway like a dancer. My mother-in-law peeked out the back door and was mortified. “Come in from out of that rain! You will catch a cold!” she cried. I didn’t enforce that order. My rationale – if standing in streaming water made you sick, we would never take showers. I told my MIL that it simply was not true. She said, yes it was.
I have always been a believer in wearing kids out for the benefit of a swift and peaceful bedtime. Now a University of Ackland, New Zealand, study shows that there is some truth to that belief. The study’s lead author, Dr. Ed A. Mitchell, looked at 591 seven-year-olds and found that kids who spent more time in sedentary activities took longer to fall asleep after they went to bed. The study also showed that one in six parents of school-aged kids say their children have trouble falling to sleep at night.
A detailed report released by the CDC, and reported today by the
Nearly two decades later, I was wallowing in my own insufficiencies. The writing career I was hell-bent on pursuing as a college grad – and did enjoy for a decade afterwards – was now tucked behind a wall of public relations bullshit. I was considering selling my soul to sales just to get away, a most gruesome thought, when I received a newsletter from my alma mater. My old college newspaper editor, it announced, had moved far beyond the halls of that small Tennessee school to found a human rights organization. He had become a well-known advocate for the environment and even published a book, becoming the only African-American to write a New York Timesbest seller on the topic. I turned to my husband and announced, “I am a failure.”

